HOPE! man do I feel like shit!

so when it all started it was easy. And I don't remember it getting hard or hurting but now it hurts. Cuts deep into my heart like a knife and I spill blood out of my open wounds because that's all I have left. From the numb to see the pain and to see the blood. Why? I feel it and think it to be so much easier if they NEVER existed! They make my life worse now. Growing up it was just there and now its thrown in my face for me to see nothing. It doesn't change anything! I don't want to talk, or to cry. I don't want reminisce in the old days...